writing
for the last few years, i'd gotten into the habit of writing nearly every day. i stopped pretty much around this past new year and haven't been able to break my way back into doing it regularly. part of the reason i started this blog was in the hopes of getting myself to start writing regularly again. i figured that having a more private blog would give me the space and freedom to actually write out my thoughts and having a few readers would give me more incentive to do so regularly. but, i find that i'm not posting here often, and since i try to use this space to update close friends with what's going on in my life, i tend to try to keep my posts relatively brief. i find that having an audience keeps my writing briefer and pretty shallow, even on this more personal of spaces.
i've found that since i haven't been writing as much, i haven't been thinking as much, or processing as much, or moving through things in therapy as quickly. i'm finding that i put off the things things i should be thinking about and working through, that the work i'd accomplished through therapy over the last couple of years has been slipping away, and that i'm moving through life in a more shallow and thoughtless way than before.
i want to feel more free to write, but i don't feel enough motivation. the idea of writing things that only i will read just isn't motivating me to write. yet, the idea of posting the things i write is too frightening a thought. so i just haven't been writing aside from the occasional mostly shallow posts on my two blogs.
now i think i'll just write the word shallow, because i managed to put it in all three of my previous paragraphs and couldn't find a word with which to replace any of them.
2 comments:
you're awfully hard on yourself, you know?
writing is good. it helps. the audience generally doesn't mind how long the posts are--the select few coming here know why they're reading this, and know that posts may be longer as you think things through. so i say bring it on. write as much as you want here. i'll read it and, while i'm sure others will, too, this way you can be guaranteed to have at least one regular reader.
your audience awaits! onward!
hugs,
k
keep writing, j. i know about wanting to keep things short for the sake of your audience, but at least for this one, try to put it aside and just let it be. it is true. writing things out allows you to process. i sometimes find that writing and talking about certain thoughts tend to lose its power. sometimes. other times, it just feels good to let it out. ya know? so keep it coming, j.
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