doc, doc, doc, doc. . . goose!

i saw my newest pdoc for the second time today (which is also two visits within a week). he's being so thorough, that we still haven't completed the initial evaluation (usually there's just one of those for an hour, and after that the visits are 20 minutes just to check on meds and stuff). so i'm seeing him again next week for initial evaluation part iii (of course, since evals are longer, they cost much more than the med checks, so i think i'm going to avoid looking at the balance in our accounts for a while after writing out all these checks).

after seeing him for the second time, i've determined that i am actually very impressed with him. i've never had anyone be so thorough and cautious. he's asking me a lot of questions, and it's obvious he's doing so to make sure that the diagnoses i've been given are correct so that he can treat me appropriately. it's good - though strange - to have a doctor take so much time, effort, and be so meticulous (maybe the man has ocd).

i just hope that in the midst of taking the time to gather my history and everything, that he'll take the time to understand me, that he'll listen well enough to get what he needs to know about me. and, i know on my end, i need to work harder and making sure my treatment providers are aware of things that make me a difficult patient/client (like my tendency to minimize things and seem okay when i'm not), so that those things don't impede treatment.

it is hard though to feel like i might have finally found a doctor who stands a chance at being able to help me, while knowing that i'm still going to be feeling like crap for a while. most psych meds take some time to get going, and he's not going to change my current regimine until he knows what he should be giving me.

though i have no guarantees of any sort that any medication will ever help me in the least, until i change what i'm taking, i know things certainly won't get better.

so i feel miserable, am over a month behind on my schoolwork, and am utterly exhausted after two weeks with my MiL in town.

as my headaches have improved somewhat with reducing the lamictal, there's no doubt (not that i had any) that they are caused by the medication. the doc's pretty convinced i won't tolerate a therapeutic dose (which is probably true as i'm barely tolerating 1/8 of that right now, and can't tolerate 1/4 of it at all). so he's given me the option to stop that when i want. since it's such a difficult drug to start, i'm going to take a couple of days to decide whether or not to give up already (which i don't mind doing, because with the lower dosage, i don't tend to get migraines, just regular old headaches - which i can manage).