going over bipolar stats

ii posted the other day on some statistics about bipolar disorder, and have been thinking about that post quite a bit.

knowing those numbers is quite disheartening. it makes me feel like each step in this battle against this stuff is futile. it's like i'm banging my way through a steel-reinforced brick wall with my bare hands or something. i mean, what am i fighting against if i'm pretty much ensured that i'm going to spend the vast majority of my time depressed?

depression isn't a great place to be. each day drags on endlessly. everything seems gray and heavy. it's hard to have fun or enjoy anything. even food tastes bland. everything takes more energy than it should and even the smallest things absolutely exhaust me. it's not really a great way to get through life.

i know things aren't ever going to be easy, and i may never find a way to have more non-depressed days than depressed ones.

but i look at those numbers, and i find that i can see something beyond them. i know that i am not a statistic. i am not my illness or whatever disorders are pinned on me through each doctor's diagnoses. just because the numbers show me pretty bad odds when seen alongside my history, doesn't mean that i need to fall on the wrong side of those numbers.

i don't believe numbers can govern my life (though granted, i may need to be reminded of that quite often).

i hope that my writing this well help me remember what i believe about all this. and i hope those of you who read this and know me, will take the time to remind me of that when you think i need to hear it.