the 20% question

this morning, our professor posed an interesting question. he asked us what do we want in our lives (or to be rid of) that we would give up 20% of our income for.

it is a question of longing. what do we long for? what do we crave? where is our desperation?

(of course, maybe the best response was the first one offered, by the guy who said he'd rid himself of poverty.)

there was, for me, an awkwardness in that question because we were asked to share our responses with our neighbor. personally, i find it hard to share with that level of depth with a virtual stranger (which may sound funny since i'm writing about it here, but i guess it's harder face-to-face).

but, while i felt it difficult to share my response with my partner, there was not a moment's hesitation in my mind in coming up with my answer:

mental health. to be rid of depression (and anxiety, and everything like it in my life).

while i acknowledge - no, while i know - that my struggles with depression and anxiety have formed much of my being, that i wouldn't be the person i am without those battles in my life, there was no hesitation in deciding that those are the things i want freedom from. yes, depression has taught me empathy, compassion, maybe even some patience, and maybe it's made me stronger. but no, i don't want to keep facing this stuff day in and day out.

i guess i often feel that i have learned what i have learned, maybe even what i'm going to learn, or at least as much as i want to learn from all of this. and now, instead of continuing to learn and grow, i just want out. i just want a break.

a healthy heart, mind, and soul. those very things that seem so far out of my reach, those are the things i crave, that i long for, that i wish for with desperation.

i am curious to know how others would answer that question. so, now that i've put myself out there like that, does anyone else want to answer?